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Tue Sep 18, 2012 | www.theonion.com |
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Scattered Deaths Of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout The Week 09.18.12 The Onion Weather Center provides its forecast for Sarasota, Florida where it's partly cloudy and 84 degrees; Louise Covert, 79, is dead from complications with diabetes; conditions will feel muggy with 80 percent humidity and oh, 98-year-olds Jimm... | | News in Brief » | Skipping Out On Friend's Birthday Party At Last Minute Closest Woman Will Ever Come To Feeling Rush Of Heroin | | American Voices » |
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| Netanyahu: Iran 6 Months From Bomb "That's terrifying! We need to give more money to Israel to make things better." | | opinion » |
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| Your Honor, This Is Going To Sound Silly, But How Am I Doing So Far? by Marshall Braithwaite, Prosecutor By Marshall Braithwaite, Prosecutor | | Radio News » |
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| Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands |
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Dear The Onion, My eyesight is failing me. Can you start calling me and telling me what happened? I do not need to hear the Jumble puzzle.— Beatrice Pullman, Coral Gables, FL | | Most Popular » |
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